In the future we'll all be gay
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
