Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
