Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
