His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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