sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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