Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
