she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize