I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
