Me too!
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
