Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
