Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
