I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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