So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
