absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
