She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
