We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
