Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Damn victory sex feels great
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