I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
