its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
