I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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