it's like heaven, but drunker
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
