I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize