Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Randomize