You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Ketchup is God's man juice
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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