Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
