Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
