So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
