elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize