i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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