I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize