Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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