i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
