i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
