This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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