if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
