Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
