Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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