Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize