its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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