Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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