ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
