I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
