Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
