I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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