Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
