When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize