I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
