Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
