Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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