Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
