What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
