a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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