Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I need to sanitize my soul.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
