2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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