Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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