don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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