I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
