??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
