I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
