Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
