What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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