please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
