my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
