the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
please come you make the beer taste better
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
