i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
