Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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