I puked a lego.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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