Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
