I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
