Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
