just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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