i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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